Above is a link to an ex-couple asking each other questions about how they felt about their relationship. There is a part in part two where the dude gets asked why he hasn't had a relationship since they broke up. He goes on to explain that his heart was ripped out when he had to remove the things they created together from his apartment and how disassembling their life together was awful. He was definitely onto something.
I don't think that I will ever want to be in a relationship again. Tearing down my life with the girls' dad, however awful it actually was, was extremely painful. And it's not something I ever want to do again. I fall fast. And I fall hard! I think it's more me being in love with love rather than that person, but still. I told someone once that I could fall in love with anyone. It didn't matter who, because love is a choice. It's not a feeling. Lust is a feeling. That's the beginning, I thought. I have many more thoughts on what "love" really is, but that's a little too revealing into my life right now, and I think it would be too embarrassing to divulge.
After Bit and I FINALLY quit going back and forth, I was able to get the chance to see what a good man looks and feels like. If I ever decide that I want another relationship, what I learned from that brief interaction with that man will be what I base my bullshit-o-meter on. If that makes any sense. I'm so glad I was able to have that time, but I am absolutely taking the time to discover me more. There are things that I have discovered that are really surprising. My reflection into my mind and my soul have shown me what my flaws and perfections are. It turns out that what I thought I had outgrown was really what made me ... me.
Don't ever think that just because you are older that the things that once made you happy and at peace wouldn't do the same for you now. Yes, discover new things. Always discover new things and new passions, but don't abandon the old ones. Being alone and staring at the stars and the moon has always been one of my favorite things. There's this place in Gatewood behind one of the houses and out in the woods that I would sit and stare into the trees that I miss. And there's a cliff on the creek that I miss. And really just lying on the back patio of my old yard and staring into space is what I miss most. Recreate the things that used to make you happy. And find new adventures. Don't wait for peace and harmony and happiness. Create it within yourself and everything will fall into place.
