8/22

I love it when God goes, "Amber.  You're being an idiot".  Maybe not in those terms exactly.  Most of the time there's the same central argument in this house.  And my attitude about it has always been "it's not just my job alone".  I just read a chapter titled Making His Home a Sanctuary.  

It pointed out a series of scriptures that I never knew were in the Bible.  Chalk it up to a horrible Google search.  Proverbs 31:10-31.  Yes, I got my Bible to check if it was really in there.  I read those verses and the sound womp-womp-woommmmpp reverberated in my head.  Prideful and lazy.  That's how I felt.  Feel.

Could I have had the wrong attitude about the husband/wife dynamic?  No, we're not married, but we've lived together for 7 or 8 years now.  Might as well think of him as my husband anyway.  Does he "take care" of the family like I think he should?  Does he think he "takes care" of the family?  What does "taking care" of a family mean? 

Maybe the reason I've felt he hasn't been the man I wanted him to be is because I haven't been the woman he wants me to be.  Here's a shock: I'm not perfect.  I can be loud, opinionated, lazy, self-righteous, and a bunch of other intrusive adjectives into my personal life.  

 Sometimes I look at people and think "man they have a great marriage, why can't I have that".  It's becoming more clear to me that marriage is work and it never starts out perfect.  If you're waiting on it to be perfect you're gonna turn to dust first.

Anyway, I need to finish reading this book and stop picking through it to find something to support my cause.  Nobody is perfect.  I just need to roll with the punches I guess.   If you're curious what book, message me.  It's christian based (obviously because of the scripture reference) just so you know.